Lifestyle with KC

WHEN LIFESTYLE MEETS PURPOSE

MOM & DAD'S CELEBRATION OF SILVER WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

Last January 16, we just celebrated my Mom and Dad’s Silver Wedding Anniversary. It’s actually Dad’s surprise Renewal of Vows for Mom. As I try to remember how it all started, Dad talked to me last December 24 regarding his plans of organizing a surprise Renewal of Vows with Mom. When I hear those words, I got so speechless! Counting the days left until January 16, we only have less than a month minus the holidays. So how are we going to manage all these? We asked 5 people who are dearest to our family to work on this. Cutting the story short, everyone got so excited. So much excited to the point of spilling the bomb to Mom. January 01, 2018 - we started plotting everything that will happen on the big day. Here’s the CHALLENGE for us: Mom has to believe that she was chosen as a principal sponsor in a wedding on the same day of their 25th wedding anniversary. DUMMY INVITES, DUMMY BRIDE, DUMMY GROOM and all the WHITE LIES took place just to get her YES! What’s more challenging is that our relatives are so close that most of them SECRET is not even a word. Tracking forward, we all made to keep the bomb just in time. 


Why am I sharing this to you? As I decipher all the happenings we have encountered in this event, I realized that there must be something in Dad’s mind why is he doing this. Part of my speech during the Silver Wedding is “To marry a girl that you really love is so ideal, it’s something that we admire guys. But to marry the woman you love for the second time around, wow it’s priceless!” As an only daughter, it’s just so lovely to see your parents loving each other in everyday of their lives. What’s lovelier is when you get to witness them rekindling their love for each other. This makes you proud that you were all made by love!

Our family may not be a perfect family as how other people see it, but I am so much blessed to have an ideal one. Ideal but not perfect? Is that even possible? YES. Nowadays, people regarded IDEAL RELATIONSHIP as a PERFECT RELATIONSHIP, but its not. Others believed that if you look good together, then you have that “#RelationshipGoals”. But what does an IDEAL RELATIONSHIP really mean?


For me, an ideal relationship depends on who you want to please. If you want to please yourself, a picture of an ideal relationship for you is most likely driven by the effort, generosity and thoughtfulness that you receive. On the other hand, if you’re after to pleasing other people, a picture of an ideal relationship for you is driven by what you can give to others. You are looking on what you can give than what you receive. People’s good feedbacks are the most precious to you. That’s the scope of an ideal relationship for you.


Years ago, I was a victim of looking at self-centered relationship as an ideal one. I thought it was so ideal that the people who love you should give you what you want, listen to every word you say and agree to everything you believe. How gratifying is that! They treat you exactly the way how you want to be treated without considering these people’s languages of love. Well, some of them reached your expectations, but most of them quitted. What’s worst, those who tried pleasing your self-centered idea on relationships also gave up on you at the end of the story. I told myself: “Is this really the kind of ideal relationship I want to establish with other people?”


I start assessing myself. Since it didn’t workout, maybe I have to take it in opposite perspective. Maybe this time, I need to be people-centered. From that moment, I decided to give much to the people I encounter. I give my time, I share all that I have, everything! I was so happy by that time that I am doing it right. Well, that’s what I know - until I end up nothing left with me. For the second time around, I thought this was the kind of ideal relationship.

I’ve tried being self-centered and people-centered before but none of the two have given  me the inner peace and life’s satisfaction. Why? Simply because we have to realize that for us to achieve an ideal relationship, we have to look back to the author of love who is the foundation of all successful relationships - be it in marriage, family or friendship. It’s God. Whatever kind of relationship we are in today, we have to set all our relationships in life as God-centered which means 3 things:


1) We forget our own desires in managing our marriage life / family / friendships.

2) We submit to what God wants for our marriage life / family / friendships.

3)  We glorify God in every little thing we do with our marriage life / family / friendships.


Like what I have said, our family is not perfect but God made it ideal because we forget our own desires as family. At times, we have different ideas but we always end up in uniting and submitting to what God wants for our family. We may consider our thoughts as better but God’s desire will always be the best plan. Sometimes it’s hard to set aside your own desires but our obedience should always be driven by love. By obeying and proclaiming His goodness in our family, He will be glorified and that makes a relationship ideal in the eyes of God.


Let me give you some tips to a lasting Ideal Relationship!

TIP #1 : Embracing rather than just accepting weaknesses.

Everyone knows that accepting one’s weakness is part of achieving ideal relationship. But you know what? Even you don’t love a person, you can accept his/her weaknesses. It’s actually easy to determine the weakness of a person. In achieving lasting ideal relationship, we have to learn that it’s not only accepting one’s weaknesses but also embracing it! That means, we don’t tolerate someone’s bad side, we let them feel that we understand their weaknesses and that we are willing to help them improve on that. We don’t have to change them but we will help them to become a better version of themselves. 


TIP #2 : Discovering Common Grounds

One of the many factors that makes an ideal relationship lasting is by having something you both enjoy. Exert an effort. Relationship won’t work if we only focus on what we only want to do individually. In our family, Dad loves to eat so much, so Mom and I really save our time to bond with Dad over food. Mom loves to share a lot of stories, Dad and I offer our time to listen to Mom’s stories. I know Mom and Dad always make a way whenever I get home because that’s what I want, their presence. Each of us has differences but what’s important is we learn to adjust because we love them. Less conflicts, more connection.



TIP #3 : Consistency on Transparency

Expect that a certain relationship will reach its declining point if there’s no transparency. It doesn’t only apply to marriage / BF-GF relationship. It applies to all kinds of relationships. Remember, it’s always easy to forgive but trusting the person for the second time is harder. The best part of being engaged in a relationship is having a guiltless feeling that you know there’s nothing to hide. You are confident that you share and exchange everything. And we all want that! You can say that you’re in a healthy relationship if you don’t encounter suspicions. You don’t have to come to a point where you are becoming a detective person. Aside from God, honesty will save your relationship from the unwanted outcomes.


TIP #1 : Embracing rather than just accepting weaknesses.

Everyone knows that accepting one’s weakness is part of achieving ideal relationship. But you know what? Even you don’t love a person, you can accept his/her weaknesses. It’s actually easy to determine the weakness of a person. In achieving lasting ideal relationship, we have to learn that it’s not only accepting one’s weaknesses but also embracing it! That means, we don’t tolerate someone’s bad side, we let them feel that we understand their weaknesses and that we are willing to help them improve on that. We don’t have to change them but we will help them to become a better version of themselves. 


TIP #2 : Discovering Common Grounds

One of the many factors that makes an ideal relationship lasting is by having something you both enjoy. Exert an effort. Relationship won’t work if we only focus on what we only want to do individually. In our family, Dad loves to eat so much, so Mom and I really save our time to bond with Dad over food. Mom loves to share a lot of stories, Dad and I offer our time to listen to Mom’s stories. I know Mom and Dad always make a way whenever I get home because that’s what I want, their presence. Each of us has differences but what’s important is we learn to adjust because we love them. Less conflicts, more connection.



TIP #3 : Consistency on Transparency

Expect that a certain relationship will reach its declining point if there’s no transparency. It doesn’t only apply to marriage / BF-GF relationship. It applies to all kinds of relationships. Remember, it’s always easy to forgive but trusting the person for the second time is harder. The best part of being engaged in a relationship is having a guiltless feeling that you know there’s nothing to hide. You are confident that you share and exchange everything. And we all want that! You can say that you’re in a healthy relationship if you don’t encounter suspicions. You don’t have to come to a point where you are becoming a detective person. Aside from God, honesty will save your relationship from the unwanted outcomes.


~


"IN ORDER FOR A RELATIONSHIP TO LAST FOREVER, BOTH PEOPLE NEED TO PUT GOD FIRST BEFORE ANYTHING IN THEIR LIVES"

- Anonymous